Dandelions
by itsLisey
Summary: "The DYAD had a favorite game: Russian Roulette. They played with injections instead of a gun, and Cosima was the only one playing." Assume that season two is nonexistant. This takes place before any of that, and provided that it doesn't happen at all. Cophine pairing. Rated M for suggestive, mature themes. Ambiguous ending, take it or leave it. One-shot.


_The hallway felt elite, an icy coldness mixing in the stiff air. Cosima let her fingers trail against the smooth white wall. She craved texture. Her hands felt weak and powerless given her week long absence of any creative or intellectual work. Though those at the DYAD institute let her wander the property, she was ultimately a prisoner, both mentally and physically. Her illness and her sisters plagued her mind day in, day out._

_And of course, so did she. Cosima dreamt of Delphine's thick curls dancing against her skin. She woke with her skin hot and flushed, tingling where those French lips had kissed her skin, again and again, while her eyes had stayed shut. She missed her, and it made her angry. She loved her, and it made her want to cry._

_There were no written rules on what she could or could not do, so with very little trepidation, Cosima sought out the whereabouts of Delphine's office. It was late. Their contact had been minimal since her arrival, with only a few stolen glances during the hours that she was strapped to a table, her body being poked and prodded by a number of scientists who looked all too detached from their work. She wanted to scream at them,_ I am human! I am a person! I am not an experiment!, _but her voice was kept captive by her heart, which still surged stronger than her head. _

_Room 342. _

_She hesitated at the door, letting her fist press firmly against the cool steel. There was a sliver of light visible at the bottom, and she could hear Delphine's thin fingertips tapping against the computer keys. When she knocked, the noise faded into silence. It was not abrupt, but rather almost as if the woman had been expecting this, expecting someone. Cosima heard the chair slip across the floor and the sharp ends of high heels clink against the floor. When the light at the bottom of the door dimmed, she waited with bated breath. _

_Delphine looked tired._

_That was Cosima's first thought. She looked the kind of tired that sleep does not fix, where your hair is mussed from simply not caring to brush it, and your eyes are heavy and sad, even without tears. There was a dire urge inside of the scientist to reach out and move some of the unruly blonde curls behind her monitor's ear, but she stuffed her hands into her pockets. _

_She felt light headed._

_"You shouldn't be here, Cosima." _

_"I know." _

_Cosima stepped inside, her foot kicking the door shut behind them. _

_"It's very late. And tomorrow…" _

_"Big day." _

_"Cosima… I thought…" _

_The DYAD had a favorite game: Russian Roulette. They played with injections instead of a gun, and Cosima was the only one playing. Tomorrow she could be cured, or tomorrow she could be dead. There was one vial left. The counter effects of the others had already left their marks, and Cosima felt her bones ache with every staggered breath. Her body could only handle so much, they said. This was their last chance, they said. _

_Tomorrow was it. Tomorrow was everything. It was either salvage their experiment or terminate what could no longer be a valid, healthy organism. They wanted answers, and they needed a body to get them - dead or alive. _

_Delphine's breath hitched. She let her hand press against Cosima's colorless cheeks. "I thought that they wouldn't hurt you. They promised." _

_"We both knew how this was going to end," she said, her face relaxing against the palm of Delphine's hand. "I knew you were my monitor, but I… you know, it doesn't matter. This doesn't need an explanation. This is what it is, and Delphine, I just need you to know… I can't go into tomorrow thinking that there is any possibility that you will go on blaming yourself for what... for this, for whatever is going to happen to me." _

_"Cosima, please don't - " _

_"Sarah will blame you. And Alison will fight you. But I will never be angry at you for being who you are, because I understand now. We're scientists. We look for the truth. We look for the answer. But the difference between us and them, Delphine, is that we aren't numb to humanity. And this, right here," her hands motioned weakly between them. "This is what they'll never have, or understand. Those scientists. The ones that look at me like I'm under a microscope. The ones that jot down my vitals on a chart that says 324B21. They're robots, Delphine. You are not my enemy." _

_"We could leave," whispered Delphine, her lips close to Cosima's ear. "I could try and sneak you out of here." _

_"You're missing my point. Here," She pulled away from her lover, her hand slipping from Delphine's waist to the snug pocket of her sleep robe. Cosima handed a crumpled envelope to Delphine. "Mail this to Alison. They're going to need you." _

_"No. I won't stay. I'm only here now for you." _

_"They'll kill you. You think they won't? Don't look surprised, Delphine. They will find you and they will kill you. We know exactly what these people are capable of. They wouldn't bat an eye. You need to stay. You need to be a contact for them. And I need one more favor." The blonde raised an eyebrow. "I want you to be the one that injects me." _

_Delphine looked like she had been shot._

_"I've thought a lot about this, Delphine." _

_"Even if I had that option, Cosima, I can't… what if it kills you? Do you want to die in my arms?" _

_"Yes." said Cosima quietly. "Because if I'm going to die, I want you to be the last person to feel my pulse. I don't want to be killed by someone who doesn't even recognize that I'm human." _

_"It's a selfish request." _

_"Consider it my dying wish." _

_Her mind fell blank as Delphine's body collided against hers, the wall soon meeting her back shortly thereafter. Delphine's petite, yet strong, hands gripped tightly at her waist, the tips of her fingers applying minimal pressure in an even rhythm. One of her own arms came up and wrapped tightly around Delphine's neck, so reminiscent of their first real kiss. As Delphine's kisses scorched her jawline, butterflies unfolded their wings in the pit of her stomach. She pushed her hips forward and pulled Delphine tighter. _

_"Ma chèrie…" murmured Delphine, her lips now against Cosima's. _

_Cosima smiled. "Enchantée." _

_Their hands folded together. With their foreheads pressed, they breathed each other in. She found herself intoxicated by Delphine's perfume. It was sweet, but faint, its aroma mixed in with the distinctive scent of the lab and her coffee. She closed her eyes and a soft hum fell from her lips. _

_"Please," she whispered, though she wasn't sure what she was pleading for. For Delphine to honor her wishes? For the moment to last longer? For Delphine? Just for Delphine? _

_Delphine nodded. _

_When she felt the woman's lips trailing down her neck, she worried that her legs wouldn't hold her standing. Her fingers curled into Delphine's lab coat and bunched it at the waist, tugging her closer. It was silent; the petite brunette was held up by the blonde, pushed against the wall, her body still aching but now with a new kind of pulse, a new heartbeat. _

_When Cosima's robe slipped off of her shoulders, she was not met with the usual chill. Her skin felt hot, her blood rushing warm. Delphine removed the scraps of clothing that remained, tossing them behind her with rapid succession, and soon all that remained was Cosima, just Cosima._

_Her kisses rippled outwards like dandelions in summer. Every place her lips touched spread warmth throughout Cosima's body. Something bloomed from every touch, a feeling, a good feeling, that multiplied again and again like an uncontrollable, yet beautiful, weed. It felt insidious and wrong to love something that caused so much strife in her life. It weakened her. It strengthened her. As Delphine's fingers between her legs, she slipped against the door, only to have Delphine catch her. _

_"If this is too much for you, I…" _

_Cosima chuckled and moved her lips to Delphine's jawline, leaving kisses and memories in their wake. _

_"Don't insult me." she whispered. _

_The pair moved to the desk chair, Cosima in Delphine's lap._

* * *

><p>They had long decided that Cosima wouldn't run, and that the harnesses were not necessary for her restraint. She was the ideal patient: passive in her actions, but with a sharp, biting tongue. They found her amusing, like a monkey in a cage, like a lab rat under the influence of too many medications at once.<p>

Leekie arrived first. It was against Cosima's wishes that she liked him, even admired him. He was a brilliant man. He was a focused man. He was a science man. And despite it all, Cosima found herself engaged in his conversation, intrigued by his thoughts. He was personable.

If he weren't so readily willing to kill her, she would even say that his intelligence was attractive.

When Delphine came in, Leekie greeted her like an old friend. They embraced, exchanged cheek kisses. It made Cosima's blood boil in an entirely different way than the night before. She suddenly longed for restraints. She wanted to be strapped to the table, controlled, completely under the mercy of these people. It seemed better to have no control than to sit passively and await her unpredictable fate.

"Word has it that you will be injecting today, Dr. Cormier."

Delphine's eyes shot towards Cosima.

"If that is truly what the patient wishes." she said quietly, her eyes turning away.

Her response was immediate. "It is."

"Then I will."

Delphine busied herself around the room. She seemed determined to avoid Cosima's gaze, no matter how hard she try. It was only when her hand lifted Cosima's arm that their eyes met. She was sure that Delphine's eyes were wet, as though she had been crying. The scientist swabbed her arm with a cold alcohol swab.

She squeezed just slightly. A "it's going to be okay"? A wordless "goodbye"? Neither comforted Cosima. Leekie was watchful, commenting on Delphine's technique as she prepped Cosima for the injection. He was kind but pragmatic.

When at last the time had come, Delphine hesitated.

"Are you ready?" she asked.

Cosima shut her eyes. Her mind drifted to their night together, to the way Delphine's hands felt then compared to now. The latex glove prevented Cosima from feeling Delphine's skin one last time, provided the last barrier between them; offered the definition of their relationship.

Scientist and experiment.

As the needle pushed into her skin, Delphine's lips tickled her ear.

"You are human, Cosima. You will always be more than this, ma chérie."


End file.
